The Holder. The Watcher.

IMG_8587I am the Holder. The Watcher. It was always an excuse to elude addressing my fear of heights when the family rock climbed. (I’d hold the goods and watch from the picnic spot.) It was my excuse for not wanting to ride Space Mountain – I’d hold the strollers and watch the stuff in line while the rest of the family screamed in delight from their speedy perches. Truth:  for practically any family thing, I was the supreme holder and the watcher.

As my two children grew I’d be the holder of hands through tumultuous times. The holder of hair while she threw up a weird ‘condition assaulting her young body. I was the holder of a broken heart when an injury put a stop to playing high school football. I was the watcher of the clock when they kept late nights. Then the watcher of emotional and spiritual temperaments. But, then I was also the holder of  prayer for them. And for me to do my mom job effectively. Lifting each family member in prayer as our spiritual and emotional temperatures waxed and waned.

Some folks don’t get it. Being the holder and the watcher means missing out on the fun or missing out on adventure. But for me, being the holder and the watcher has taken me on an adventure of spiritual highs and lows, watching causes me to see sweet things – the subtle smiles, the mischievous grin, the tiniest twinkle in their eyes, that would have otherwise been missed. Being the holder and watcher doesn’t stop when the children are grown, though, it’s alive and well with the grands, now! Although I don’t get to practice as often as I would like. In fact, as I look back now, I missed things. My watchfulness was often clouded by my human heart to see them happy. I get it that happiness is not the end all but when the kids were hurting or sick, my mom heart desperately desired for them to be happy and hear them laugh.

Now, I can’t see them. In fact even with Facetime and Skype we rarely speak face to face. Our relationship takes place via texts, some calls, emails and I catch a lot of news on Facebook.  For whatever reason, God has put them up in the PNW and us in Texas. But, even now, I can close my eyes and there they are in the memories I’ve been holding through all the years of watching.

Through the years I’ve moved beyond watching and holding. And, now, I am a doer. An adventurer. And, I cherish those years of watching and holding.

 

Gypsy feet are on the move again,but the body resists.

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Just about this time, one year ago, God moved us to Australia, again. We arrived thinking we would be here for a long time. We bought a car that we could explore this magnificent country in, some nice furniture that would last awhile, and signed a lease into the next year. Now, all that has changed.

We are heading back to America (to live in Texas this time) and find ourselves doing another international move in the span of 12 months. I truly believe God has it all handled and all the pieces will fit into the move puzzle, but my body seems to have not recieved the memo. Everything hurts. Sleep is elusive. The gut is acting up big time. Frustrating! Every night after four hours of restless sleep, I get up, achy, stiff, sore. My mind wants to start the day, tackle the chore list, start the decluttering but my body stumbles to the recliner and if not for some vigorous self talk would stay there. I feel like I am living that scripture in Matthew – “the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.” or as the Message puts it, “there is a part of you that is eager, ready for anything in God. But there’s another part that’s as lazy as an old dog sleeping by the fire.” That’s me – an old dog sleeping by the fire (but there’s no fire).  Mostly, though, this old dog wants to sleep.

In the years from 2010-2014 we were active folk. We did skydiving, scuba diving, hiking, biking, and all manner of exploring. From 2014-2016 we had our little hobby farm and had our family close. Although we didn’t see the adult kids that often, we did entertain the grands on many occasions. Then we moved back here. But the year, 2016 was stress filled, too…unemployement, a new job full of uncertainty and then the move back to Australia. Then 2017 brought new changes to the new job, and the realization that our plans to buy a house here etc, wouldn’t come to fruition. More stress. But, all along my walk with Jesus grew closer. I heard the Spirit more clearly, when I read the Word, things seems very evident, no mystery. So, why can’t my body catch up with the Spirit?

I reckon this is where intentional living comes to play. Managing all aspects of life. What we eat. What we drink. How we move our bodies. How we interact with others. When we sleep. What we nourish our brains with. What we feed our spirit with. I feel like I already do most of it, but probably lazy in some areas. Honestly, the thought of doing any more tires me. But, it’s necessary.

So, how’s your walk through this temporary world going?? How can you change things? or are you ok with the way things are? Is your subconscious reacting one way, while your spiritual life seems to be another? Why? God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear but of courage and power and a stable mind, so don’t be afraid of changing things. Don’t fear diving into why you may be having trouble sleeping, exercising, or any questions of life in general. No worries. His desire is for  you (and me) to have a rich and satisfying life! (John 10:10 NLT).